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- HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMANTHA! -
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006
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- Proof that I'm cool... -
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- I'm only half retarded... -
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
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So I decided to be a nice person and mow the front lawn- well, actually Chris said not to mow the back because he didn't want me to run over the pool---no, I'm not lying, you can't make this shit up. So I go out the back slider to the shed to get the lawnmower, only to realize that big resin pond in my back yard replaced the shed. DUURRRR. So, I guess that explains why he didn't want me to mow the back yard.
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- Redneck Woman -
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Thursday, July 20, 2006
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Me redneck roots are coming out in this story. In all of the years (I sound like I'm this pro or something-ha ha) that I have packed a can of Copenhagen (due to an ex-boyfriend ions ago) I have NEVER, EVER had the cap fall off. My friend Jason asked me to bring him his can, so out of habit I grab it and attempt to pack it. As I walk it over towards my pool he tells me to make sure the cap is on it. I roll my eyes, like that would ever happen, and continue to walk it over to him while packing it. Well all of the sudden I look down to see this black, tobacco like substance all over my chest, in my swimsuit top, down the front of my belly, all over my right arm...well, you get the picture. It was bad. The cap came off---whole can of chew allllll over me. Yuck. It was the grossest thing ever. Jason, not amused at this point, has an empty can of Copenhagen...so what does he do? He gets his dip off my chest, swimsuit top, towel that I had warpped around my waist, belly, etc... I sorda felt bad...well not really. But, it was pretty funny.
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- Driving Directions -
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006
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During hurricane season a couple of years ago when we got hit by like 4 storms in the same year I gave my map book away to a Sgt. who would probably need it more than me. Well, needless to say I never got it back, so I drive around mapless. That's ok though, it's just as easy to call into dispatch when I need directions somewhere rather than try to look it up in a map, especially when it's rather urgent.
So I get called out this morning for a death. The Sgt. who calls me gives me directions. Without being too identifying, here's what he said. Go down main country road, around curve to 3rd street on left. Turn left, go down 2 stop signs, turn right where you will see my car. He tells me it will take me 5 minutes, max, to get there. Fine. I'm enroute. I follow the directions he tells me, go to the 2nd stop sign, turn right and see a patrol car. I pull in the driveway and walk to the house.
Me: Knock Knock (thinking it's odd that the deputy isn't waiting outside fore me, as they usually do.
Kid: (Opens door about 3 inches) Yah?
Me: Umm, is the deputy here?
Kid: No.
Me: Okayyyy? Where did he go?
Kid: Umm, I'm not sure, I think to Powell Square.
Me: Where?
Kid: Powell Auto Parts
Me: Oh...ok (now I'm completely and thoroughly confused...isn't there a dead person inside, I'm thinking?). Now, as I'm looking around, I ask...does a deputy live here?
Kid: Yah.
Me: Oops, wrong house. Sorry. PS. My name is Melissa (my partner's name), tell him I stopped by. Giggle as I walk away, knowing I just threw her under the bus and prepare to call Jason (the Sgt. that called me out) to yell at him and ask where the hell he's at.
Me: (calling Jason)..
Jason: Bitch, where are you?
Me: WTF...where are you?
Jason: I told you...2nd stop sign turn right.
Me: Okay, asshole...that's where I went. But you're nowhere around. As a matter of fact, I turned and pulled in where the patrol car is and some kid answered the door.
Jason: LMAO...ooooh, ooops...that's Deputy so & so's house. Go to the 3rd stop sign, not the 2nd one.
Me: UGGGh, ok, I'll be there in 2 seconds.
I need a map book, BAD.
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