- - Monday, February 28, 2005 I'm not sure what to title today's post, so I'm not going to! As most of you have heard/seen/read, it's been a very busy weekend here. This weekend was supposed to be a much anticipated break from the norm, with many parrotheads coming in from all over the US (as far as California, Michigan and New York), as well as many from our department for a weekend full of drinks, fun and food. It turned out to be just food. Thursday morning we got a call that a local 9 year old was missing from her house she shared with her grandparents and father. Later that afternoon we ended up leaving the conference we were in up in Tallahassee and heading back south. Little did we know what it would turn in to. I'm not going into all of the details, as I'm sure everyone knows all about the Jessica Marie Lunsford case. I think if you don't know about it you either don't have a TV or have been living under a rock! Chris and I (as well as many others from our department) have been all over CNN and the local channels. You can also go to www.sheriffcitrus.org to check out more information. As myself and the other advocate Melissa have sat with, hugged with, ate with, prayed with and nearly cried with the family, we've also seen and heard some interesting things. The grandmother of Jessica (who calls us her kids as we've been with them so much!!) came up to me Saturday morning, hugged me and whispered in my ear "keep your kids close and never lose your sight of them" as she softly cried. I reassured her I would, but told her I wouldn't have done anything different than what she did on that fateful Wednesday night when she tucked in her precious granddaughter. She gave her a kiss, told her she loved her and expected to see her in the morning. She had her granddaughter as safe as anyone would, with the doors locked and blinds shut. I don't think anyone can personally imagine what this family is going through. Day by day, night by night, an emptiness surrounds your life that you can't fill. How do you think you would handle this? Any thoughts or suggestions or just general comments? I'm interested in hearing (reading) opinions.

posted by VRA @ 9:03 AM [[ 1 comments ]]

- My boys are so brave... - Wednesday, February 23, 2005 Yesterday we went to visit my grandma, mom & Gene in Spring Hill. The only thing the boys associate going to grandma's with is swimming, since they're just like fish and she has a pool. So, as you could probably tell, when I told them we were going to grandma's house they got all excited thinking they were able to go swimming! I had to explain to them that even though it's very nice and warm outside, the pool water is still very cold (close to 65) and therefore they would not be able to swim. Naturally, the Austin-Attitude and Tyler-Drama kicked in and I had to listen to them for 2o minutes on my way home, whine about how they wanted to go swimming. We later go to gram's house and they both went running straight to the pool. Tyler stuck his hand in and agreed that it was very cold and he was going to go back inside to play. Austin didn't believe him, so he decided to step into her pool, on the first step, socks, shoes and all! I had to take his socks, shoes and shirt off him, and told him he could play on the first step only, since the water was so cold. (The first step only goes up to mid chin on the boys.) Tyler came running out and saw that Austin only had his shorts on and was 'almost' in the pool when he decided he wanted to do what Austin was doing. So, he gets undressed and out of nowhere, takes off running in a dead sprint right towards the pool. Now, I didn't stop him because I figured in his excitement he would stop when he got to the first step, then play with Austin. OH NOOO! He kept going. Right past the steps and took a running leap into the deep end of the pool! As soon as he popped up out of the water, eyeballs as big as golf balls with a shear look of panic on his face he swam to the side where I lifted him out. He was so cold he couldn't even catch his breath to start crying. All I could do was laugh, even though I felt bad, because it was so typical of what a cartoon charachter looks like when they take off running, feet spinning and all! Tyler decided to take my word that the water really was cold and went back inside to play. Lesson learned. Maybe.

posted by VRA @ 6:11 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- - Tuesday, February 22, 2005 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

posted by VRA @ 11:39 AM [[ 1 comments ]]

- Sometimes I hate my job... - Friday, February 18, 2005 I know I originally said I was going to talk about cases and change the names of the guilty until proven innocent, but haven't really gotten to that much. To much of life has come in the way! Well, now I'm going to do just that. It all started this morning while at a meeting at a local hospital. We were tyring to explain to them that it is ILLEGAL and morally unjustifiable to bill a rape victim. When a hospital sends a bill to a victim of rape it literally revictimizes them. Not only do the have bad memories, but ultimately are held "responsible" for the trauma that just occurred. Just as we were about to get through to them I get a call from dispatch for a domestic violence victim. I tell dispatch I'm enroute (to the other side of the freakin' moon) to the address of the DV victim and hop in my NEW 2005 FORD FOCUS, which by the way I'm very proud of, I remember that I have to stop by my house to get a spare charger, because my cell phone battery is dead. Actually, my agency cell phone and my personal cell phone both have dead batteries. Prior planning on my part would have been handy. Anyway, I get my charger and head out, when the Sgt. on duty calls me to make sure I'm responding (as it was taking me forever and a day to get there) and to give me another deputies name and cell phone number to call, as I had NO information about this call. Yes, I could have called dispatch over the radio for the details, since my batteries were dead, but it wasn't anything that couldn't wait until I got my charger. I talk to the deputy on scene, who tells me the suspect's name. I immediately recognized the name, as it's my boys' birth mother's boyfriend. Does that make sense? Anyway, I start to panic, on top of getting a little...ok a lot of anxiety. I happened to be the only advocate on duty, as the other took the day off...so here I am responding to my boys' biological mother who was just beat by her boyfriend. We'll call her.....Mary. Mary has a history of being beat by boyfriends. Now, this is my professional opinion, and please don't try to debate this because it's not going to work with me, but...once a domestic violence victim, then I truely believe you may be a victim. Maybe even twice. But when you are a domestic violence victim repeatedly then that is your own fault. I even believe that you may be a contributor to the violence, like what's known as "mutual combat". Now, I'm not saying this is every case, but the majority of the cases I come across this is how it is played out. After trying to find some other resources for Mary to no avail, I decide to call her myself and see how I can help her. I ID myself as a nameless victim advocate and ask her what happened. She goes on to tell me the details to which I sound empathetic. She tells me she's got a C-section scar that was kicked and explains that she has 3 children. I ask her if her children were a witness--which is a common question we ask DV victims. She tells me no. She thanks God that her kids are with their aunt in Jacksonville and will be coming back soon. She then proceeds to lie to me about a couple of other things. I keep my composure and give her Melissa's extension (she knows me, my name and my ext.) for further help. She denies wanting a DV injunction (go figure) and says she'll stay with a friend. The End. In the meantime, I can't help but remember that my children were almost given back to her by our lovely Department of Children and Families! 2 days before we were to go to court, it was her opportunity to prove to the judge what a martyr she has been, she got scared and signed off her rights. Against her attorney's wishes even! Which, all that means is that her attorney knew damn well she had an excellent shot at getting the kids back but was throwing it right out the window. So now I have all of the "what-if's" running through my mind. Like, what if they went back and were exposed to this again---for the past year! I think God works in mysterious ways and I truly believe someone was looking out for those kids' well being or else they would be with her today.

posted by VRA @ 11:19 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Kids Say The Darndest Things... - Tuesday, February 15, 2005 Austin: Mommy, I want your flashlight! (Talking about the large black Mag-Lite that I rarely use, but definitely need the battery juice in case I have a night call). Me: You can't play with that, I may need it at night and if you use all of the battery juice I won't be able to see. Austin: FINE. (In his typical Austin-attitude). When I get bigger and be a police man I'll get my OWN flash light. Me: Awww, you want to be a police man when you get bigger? Austin: Yep. Tyler: Me too!!!! Austin: NOOO Tyler, you can't be a police man. You're going to be my puppy.

posted by VRA @ 11:25 AM [[ 1 comments ]]

- - Monday, February 14, 2005 Y happy valentine's day Y

posted by VRA @ 10:48 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

- Lent Begins Today - Wednesday, February 09, 2005 At church Sunday, the priest, who has a great sense of humor, gave us his analogy of Lent. He went on to tell us that he doesn't necessarily believe you have to give up something, like chocolate, ice cream or fast food. Instead, do something for someone that you wouldn't normally do, throughout the lenten season. I thought about this as the priest was giving examples. What could I do for someone that I don't usually do? That was a hard concept for me, becuase of my job. I do a lot for people on a regular basis, so I would have to seperate work from personal life--which is also hard. All yesterday I thought on this and wondered what I could do, and who for? That is, until I received an email from a co-worker. This co-worker is working with a single mother of three boys who works two jobs, one during the day while the kids are at school, and one at night while the kids are sleeping, in order to make ends meet. After overcoming come major issues within her life, like drug use, divorce and abuse, she took control and has managed. She has saved up enough money to move from shelter and buy a single wide mobile home. This mobile home has no cupboards, no plumbing and the floors are rotted, but she has taken on the task of repairing each of the problems, with no experience, in her spare time. The deputy was asking for any spare wood, to replace the floors, cupboards, building supplies or able bodies. And beyond that, was looking for clothing for her and her family. This woman never asked for help from us (and apparently that's not the kind of person she is--she would, and has, gone without before asking for anyone else's time). When the deputy sent out the sizes of clothes, her sizes matched mine, about 5 years ago. But, because I'm a selfish person, I keep around all of those items of clothing thinking maybe I would someday fit into them again. Last night, as I was rifling through my closet looking at my clothes that for some reason I kept, I felt a big relief to give them up. Yep, the Lauren jeans that I bought when we still had Hudson's in Michigan, they were so cute--still looked new, because I only wore them when we went somewhere nice, even though they were blue jeans. Abercrombie jeans--like Abercrombie makes that size still! Tommy sweaters, polo shirts, dresses, anything that I held onto for whatever reason went into this bag, knowing this woman may not have even heard of those brands. I also made sure I put something special in there for each of the family members. New, unopened games we held onto for future gifts for the older boys, a new play dough fun factory for the younger boy that is my kids' age. A spa set for her, including smelly bath soaps, lotions and a loofa all tucked in a very nice basket. A mini Christmas for this lady and her kids, who provides regardless. During Lent I will be giving up something for sacrafice. If not daily, definitely weekly. Whether it be giving material things or giving my leftovers that I usually throw out to my elderly neighbors who could use a day off of cooking more than me. I'm going to do what I can to make this a routine, not a seasonal gift.

posted by VRA @ 10:47 AM [[ 2 comments ]]

- Greens vs. Red, White and Blue - Tuesday, February 01, 2005 This article was in our newspaper this morning. Old Glory emerges victorious in food fight. If Tony Fincher knew he'd be given a pop quiz in patriotism, he never would have stepped foot in Margarita Grill. His Saturday night venture to the Halls River restaurant with his fianceé and another couple was a first — and a last, he said, after owners kicked the group out for not waving flags during a patriotic program.Their night began the same way as any other Friday or Saturday night at the restaurant since the 9/11 attacks. Restaurant owners cranked up a Sept. 11 tribute slide show and servers passed out flags for folks to wave to the music.The Spring Hill man said his group waved the flags for a bit, but stopped once their salads came out at about 9 p.m."A man came by and said, ‘I want you out of here,'" Fincher said. "At first, I thought he was joking. I didn't understand why. We weren't being disruptive."Fincher said he and his group got a little upset and left without finishing their salads."The guy at the next table tapped me and said, ‘just wave the flag,'" he said.The Vietnam veteran said he believes restaurant officials violated his civil rights.Margarita Grill co-owner Sam Piliouras disagrees."It hurts us to beg someone to wave a flag," Piliouras said. "We have a right to run our business the way we want to." Piliouras compared Margarita Grill's flag waving policy to a fancy restaurant's proper dress policy or the no-shoes policy at some Asian restaurants.Margarita Grill is up-front about its policy and posts two signs letting patrons know about the flag waving/slide show tribute."It says this is what we do, and if you don't like it, leave," Piliouras said.Restaurant employees also make an announcement prior to the 7-minute tribute, which includes "God Bless America" by Leann Rimes and "Proud to be an American."Fincher said he heard the announcement asking patrons to leave if they'd be upset seeing a 9/11 tribute slide show. "We weren't uncomfortable," Fincher said. "We didn't understand."If a customer refuses to wave Old Glory, he is ushered out to the tune of "Hit the Road Jack," Piliouras said.And Saturday's incident wasn't the first time someone challenged the policy. On Nov. 13, 2004, sheriff deputies arrested Keith Douglas of Marietta, Ga., after he became violent when restaurant owners asked him the leave because he refused to wave the flag."He threw the flag on the ground," Piliouras said.An altercation broke out and Douglas grabbed a 15-year-old boy by the neck.When deputies arrived, Douglas said he grabbed the boy by the neck, but that other employees were choking and punching him, according to the report.He was arrested on charges of battery and child abuse. He was jailed on $5,500 and released. Piliouras, who runs the restaurant with his father, Tommy Piliouras, a Greek immigrant, said he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to participate in the tradition."Even if you don't agree with the war … it's not about that," Piliouras said. "You should be proud to wave the flag.."

posted by VRA @ 2:12 AM [[ 0 comments ]]