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- Adoption -
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005
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I came across a weird issue the other day. As I was getting ready to pick up the boys from after school care an employee pulled me aside to talk to me. She first asked me if Tyler and Austin were adopted, which I of course, replied "yes". She then went on to tell me about a conversation a former employee, who was recently fired, had with Tyler.
Apparently, this former employee felt it was her duty to explain to Tyler that he was adopted! I don't know exactly what was said to him, other than she tried to explain what adoption is and details of relevancy. Another employee approached her on this and asked why she felt the need to explain to someone else's child that he was adopted. The former employee said that it is his right to know and if the parents haven't told him yet then he needs to find out somehow, so she had to tell him. The other employee told her it wasn't her place, where the conversation ended.
Now, since then, Tyler hasn't mentioned one thing about it. Even after hearing something on a TV show about adoption, I figured it would spark his memory of his conversation with the daycare worker, but it didn't. Tyler is pretty blunt, so I think if it was something that was bothering him, or something he didn't understand he would definitely ask me about it, and like I said, he hasn't brought it up...so I am assuming it was just too much for his mind to process and he blew her off (like he does me every time I ask him to pick up his toys!!!).
I approached the owner of the daycare and explained my issue to her. She apologized several times and promised me it would not be discussed between the employees or anyone else around the children. She then proceeded to tell me that was not the reason she was fired, but it would have been a huge contributing factor had she known what had happened. She then gave me the name of the former employee and I went from there. (Jr. Detective)
I have done my own research on this girl, who has 2 prior drug arrests. One for marijuana posession and one for paraphernelia. As far as any other incidents go, she is clear...but does in fact have a suspended drivers license.
I asked the daycare owner what criteria they use in selecting their employees, which she told me and I was happy with. But she did say they don't do a complete background check usually until about 30 days of employment, when they think the employee might work out. Instead, they just do a "local" check, which would check the local abuse registry, sex offender check and warrants check. After 30 days they do a detailed criminal history. This girl had only been employed for 2 weeks.
So, in closing, Chris and I both agree that now is not the time for Tyler to be told he was adopted. He is only 5 years old and barely knows his own environment. Last thing we want to do is tell him the 2 people he knows he hasn't been with forever (although, doesn't know why, how or any details--he has this idea that he came from mommy's belly--but when he asks I tell him he did in my dreams.) but has grown to love, accept and trust, are not his birth mommy and daddy. He will know, and at the right time we will tell him...but it is definitely not the daycare employees responsibility---and if I hear of such thing again I will probably go into cardiac arrest!
PS. She better watch where she's driving----she IS driving on a suspended DL and there are cops in this town who know what she looks like! ;-)
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1 Comments:
No matter what the decision is, it's for the parents to make. This is so concerning. I would have had to restrain myself. I like the steps you took to find out about their background checks. Good thinking. At least he doesn't remember.
Do you think they'll be super shocked when they get older and it is explained to them? I remember when I was around 11 or 12 and I found out my grandpa wasn't my bio grandpa. It flippin hurt soooo bad. I cried and cried. Guess who told me: my sister. I'm sure if my mom would have sat down with me and explained what happened and why she was adopted, I may have taken it better. My grandpa used to say, "I feel more loved by my "adopted" grandchildren than I do with my "blood" grandchildren."
When you do tell them, make sure Tyler and Austin understand that God wants everyone to have a mommy and a daddy. If the first mommy and daddy don't work out, God picks new ones. Adopted kids aren't second class citizens...sometimes they are more loved and wanted because you fought so hard to get them, care for them, and raise them in a healthy environment. Not that bio kids are less loved...I think you know what I mean...do I know what I mean? I don't know...back to work...
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